If ZOO8 was a television personality, it would be Michael Barrymore. A fucking shambles, but you just can’t help but watch all the shit unfold. Throughout the weekend, there were cancellations, a massive lack of camping space, health and safety breaches, and uproar to challenge the outcry over the election result in Zimbabwe. Festival organisers have called it ‘teething problems’. I’d say that if anything it was more like a root canal performed by a dentist on a trip.That said, you have to applaud the bands that did play for putting up with all the chaos behind the scenes. The reason that many acts didn’t play was because of the festival organisers’ ‘miscalculation over cash flow’, and therefore couldn’t afford to pay some of the acts. In all, 25 acts got cancelled. With that, come 12,000 rightly disgruntled festival goers.

After arriving late due to a sewage leak on one of the limited campsites, we found that they had run out of camping space (somehow, despite a lack of ticket sales, there was still nowhere to camp). After dumping our belongings in the press tent, my colleague & I had hoped to find the arena in a much better state. Although it was, it still looked like the paying customers were trying their best to avoid the festival’s main attraction, the main stage. At one point on the Sunday there were literally 14 people watching a band there. That, tellingly, is only two more viewers than Michael Barrymore can now muster.

The first act we manage to catch (not counting Underground Heroes’ final song) is Sam Isaac, playing instead of the absent Frank Turner. For the people relaxing at the back of the crowd his acoustic folk-rock would be the perfect complement to the morning sun, but for everyone else it just helplessly blends into one soft and forgettable cure for the morning’s hangover.

Mexico Fallz will play three times in three days covering for cancelled bands. Three times too many? Maybe. They may have the dance moves, and they may have the audience in the palm of their hands, but they just don’t have the songs to keep them there for long. Generic synth-driven rock may interest some, but not many.

Hadouken, playing on the main stage Saturday afternoon, were minutes away from being shoved off the bill, but thanks to the organiser’s overdraft, they played on. Thank god they did too, producing an amazing set which sparked the audience to remove all their clothing. Their songs may all sound similar, and their singer maybe should wear a t shirt, but their synth-tinged rap makes the day seem not that bad after all. Hell, the sun’s even shining.

Despite being closed for a large period of the day, The Young Knives headline the Tap N’ Tin Stage to a loving audience. For a three-piece they give a marvellously full sound, and exchange humorous banter with the crowd. For this, and their happy sing-a-long harmonies, you can almost believe that they are in fact rock stars, and not the IT consultants you had believed they were.

The Cribs, obviously frustrated by the chaotic day, play a blinding headlining set to a packed out crowd. With songs like Men’s Needs and Hey! Scenesters, they excite the audience into one big dance pit. With new songs, old songs and a particularly powerful encore, the brothers show us why they deserve to be headlining. They may not be reinventing the wheel, but they can sure show us why they’re the best at what they do.

As the day ends, the hoards travel back to their cramped campsites and hemp smelling tents hoping that the following day beckons just as much of the sunshine as well as far fewer cancellations. Unfortunately, they get neither.

In between taking advantage of the free Rockstar available and dodging the showers, In Case Of Fire manage a storming set in front of, erm, 14 people. It says a lot though that by the end of their set, their muse-style vocals and heavy fretwork manage to bring in a decent, if not impressive crowd.

Next up is Ida Maria telling us how she likes herself so much better when she’s naked. While I’m not complaining being told this, but it’d nice if she could vary her music to avoid being one big mish-mash of everything released in the past year. Then we can talk nudity.
This is the bit where I was planning to write about Friendly Fires/Johnny Foreigner/ Does It Offend You Yeah or maybe even a band that had caught my ear. As you may have guessed, they all pulled out.

American-Irish folk-punkers Flogging Molly are the surprise hit of the day. Perhaps the large audience is helped by the amount of cancellations on other stages and the brief spell of sunshine, or maybe it’s because they’re so god damn funky. It’s hard not to enjoy yourself when everyone around you is jumping with a smile on their face.

Welsh rockers Funeral For A Friend attract the biggest audience of the weekend so far. Whilst not up to their usual standard, they still manage to orchestrate plenty of circle pits to accompany their screamo-rock. Obviously with the knowledge of the ‘teething problems’, they look like they’d rather be in Guantanamo Bay than in the Kent countryside. You can give them the benefit of the doubt though when Streetcar comes in and every one of the 12,000 in the audience goes absolutely mental.

A surprisingly sparse crowd greet The Holloways set, playing instead of Athlete. It’s hard to understand why this is, with indie gems such as Generator whipping the crowd into one big jumping pit. They may not be anything you’ll be telling your grandchildren about in fifty years, but the tykes are good for a dance and a laugh when everything is not as you had hoped.

On the back of a programme, an optimistic sentence proclaims ‘See you in 2009!’ Although I’d love to be proved wrong, I sincerely doubt it.